Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug…..

This is the front of my car and the windshield---

After spending the last few days looking through this mess—it got me to thinking about that song—--I have my windshield moments—moments of unbreakable joy and speeding strength—but I think I relate more to the bug aspect. Lots more days spent with all my best intentions unceremoniously "splatted" all around me, fervently praying someone will have the common decency to squeegee me off before I am baked that way permanently! I know, I know, way too much wisdom to be taken in all at once. But I am going to share the last 3 days of my life with the whole windshield/bug slant. I like it.

First just a little background—my daughter Kelly and I left Wednesday afternoon for Helena which I about 3 hours away from here. BYU was hosting a BESMART fireside there and was hoping it would maybe inspire my child to live up to her true scholastic potential. And of course—this was as close as they were going to get to where we live. So left the younger ones with friends and set off on a road trip. After the seminar, since we were in the neighborhood, we just kept on heading east a couple of hours—(actually, I have no idea, I get lost just trying to find my way back to my car from a public restroom) so we could visit my oldest in Bozeman. She had been begging us to bring her some fish—but I choose to imagine that she just missed me and was looking for a way to get me to Bozeman. We came back Thursday night. So—here are my lists---

Windshield Moments

• Hours in the car spent with my child who most shares my brain, my love of music, my joy in devouring a good book and my take on life. I love bouncing ideas off of her and the fact that she thinks that Neurology—specifically research would be the coolest job ever. We also can share a very comfortable silence—which is a rare treasure.
  
  
• The BeSmart fireside. Wow—they have a really great presentation. Watching my daughter who has no real focus for her future get excited about college and by the next morning not only knows which college she wants to attend but what she wants to go for in an associate's degree and then her bachelors. To see the light dawn and the motivation grow to get better grades and search out more opportunities to serve. Winning a BYU t-shirt because we drove the farthest distance to come to the seminar. Boo-yah baby!
  


• "Sleeping" over at my daughter's apartment.

• Shopping at Linen's & Things and getting to use my daughter's employee discount. Feeling like my planets are completely aligned as I save almost 50% at the cash register!!!! And the best thing of all—finding AND purchasing a 4 square Belgian waffle maker. Think-- Lord of the Rings and Gollum's "My Preeeecciiooousss"-----
  


• Arriving home safely, having my friends want to keep Milan and Bean another night, sleeping in my own bed and making a spot for my new waffle maker
  


• Knowing an awesome computer repair guy who can quickly restore my computer
  


• Finding out that my friends took Milan and Bean to the county fair--so I don't have to. A BIG BOO-YAH BABY!!
  


• Having my other friends volunteer to take Kelly to the fair with them—A BIG, DANCING BOO-YAH BABY!!
  
  
• Having 4 quiet hours to myself—--tears of boo-yah joy running down my face
  

Bug Moments

• Being the only licensed driver in the car and a completely and totally directionally challenged one at that.
  
  
• Remembering that I forgot my night time breathing machine at home and getting a little stressed about the fact I frequently forget to breathe while I sleep.
  
  
• Forgetting my travel size night light and being afraid of the boogey man at my daughter's apartment and not sleeping very well. (remind me to share my blind, poltergeist, boogey man story with you sometime)
  
  
• Spending my life's savings at the gas pump

• Cleaning out the car and bringing in all the stuff—yuk!
  


• Living in a county that loves fair week so much they wait to start school till after it's over. I have tried so hard to be a good fair Mom. We did the Chinchilla thing and the goat thing. Burying dead Chinchillas is hard but it's even harder to have to rebury them because your dos keep digging them up. And goats—well let's just say—the goat pen now stands empty and will never again know a goat bleat. The whole masses of people, masses of critters, masses of critter smells, masses of scary carnival ride operators (no hate mail—my brother was one for awhile), masses of germs on speed and lack of any domestic skill on my part—makes for a loser fair Mom.
  


• Doing something that caused my computer to malfunction and having to live without it for 2 days!
  
  
• Spending the evening with my mother because she has vertigo and fell. I think the Lord is trying to give me a crash course in getting over my issues with my Mom
  
  
• Having my wash machine break down and in the process spew water everywhere and then trying to fix it and having it spew more water until I have used every towel in my house and now have no washing machine to wash them with
  



• Having the power go out 3 hours later so I can't see to finish getting all the water mopped up and carpets and towels dried out
  


• Having moose on my shower curtain—I know—random—but when I get stressed and have to use the restroom—and I see it hanging there—those moose mocking me—I just about have to tear it down!
  

So there you go—I need to turn off my computer before the battery dies and I lose all my info. I also need to go pull out the candles and flashlights and jugs of water so we can flush the toilet—--some things I just can't live without….

Thanx for the kind words...

or in the words of my favorite donkey, "Thanks for noticing me"--Eeyore

I just thought instead of going to every one's blog and replying I would just post.

I found this idea in a scrapbook magazine--I'm not sure which one but I think it was Creating Keepsakes--way back in 2003 or 2004. This woman had made a tiny book for her son--I think. So a few of the "I Hope's" are from her book but I can't remember which ones. And I remember that I followed a few of her layout ideas with what I had in my stash--but again I can't remember which ones. So pretty much all the page layouts and sayings are from my head. I was about to go in for some serious surgery (the kind that they make you sign a waiver that you won't sue them if you die) so I (having a slight flair for the dramatic) got all emotional and decided I would make one for each of my children. The one in the magazine only had like 6-- I Hope's --so as you can see--I um--did a few more than that. It's a good thing I didn't die (on so many levels of course)-- but can you imagine what a scandal THAT would have caused amongst my kids??!! So I am working on the rest of them now--no small feat for 5 children who will undoubtedly compare notes and amount of I Hopes!

But I have asked myself, many times, if I died--would my children know what I hoped for them? Would they know the things that I treasure and love about each of them? So I just go from there and let the ideas run. I wrote out all the I Hopes first and then went through all my pictures a picked out some of my favorites and then I narrowed them down to the ones that would kind of go with what I was hoping and made copies. I used a blank book from 7 Gypsies. I really liked scrap booking this way because it gave me a chance to really play with embellishments and colors and different mediums. I usually scrapbook to preserve the photos first and foremost. It was fun not to be totally governed by that rule.

So it would be a HUGE compliment if any of you wanted to copy any of it and do something for your children or significant other! Just a few I Hope's would be a treasure--don't be overwhelmed by the amount.

Mackenzie--of course I remember you! How cool is it that you found me and remembered me??!! How are you--if you get a minute--I would love to hear about you and yours!

Carla--thanx for the gentle words that help me continue on quest with my Mom.

Marivic--you are so kind! I was so touched that you would read every word and look at each picture! I hope we get to meet sometime too!

"This too shall pass" goes both ways............

I got phone calls from both of my "grown-up" far away daughters today. For those of you who don't know me--I have some serious issues with my Mother. I am working on them and making baby steps but the goal still seems very far away. I am seeking peace to save my sanity and to be able to advance in my eternal progression. I realize this might offend some who read this but it is a big part of who I am and who I am trying to become--and blogging about it helps--just to get it off my chest. One of the reasons I struggle with my mom is that she needs to call me at least 4 times a day--and once we recorded 19 on the caller ID. If I don't pick up she will call every other phone in our family until someone picks up. Consequently--I'm not big on making phone calls. All my children know that when ever they leave home that I will not be calling them very often. They are not offended--they just call me and that way it is when they have the time and I don't interrupt anything.
I cherish their calls. And to have 2 in one day is a fabulous treat! But it has also made me a little blue. I really miss them. Phil left on Monday to go back up to work at Prudhoe Bay and he will be gone for 4 weeks this time--I really miss him too.
Anyways, when I feel like this I usually get out the scrapbooks. I love to scrapbook and in 2004 I made an "I Hope" album for my daughter Natalie. She wanted it down in Utah with her so I just finally scanned it into my computer so I would have a copy. I was looking at it and it made me think about how fast time has passed and I remembered a saying I once read that said that we should be careful how often we say "This too shall pass" because along with the bad things going--so were the good things. It had a profound effect on me. When I get in these moods and look at these pictures of my daughter growing up and get all teary eyed and pathetic--I have to remember that the goal was to raise a future adult. That I need to enjoy the journey and each step in life's progression--but I think it's okay too to miss those little chubby cheeked, squishy babies too. I think that's why I love scrap booking so much--a permanent place to save all my memories and treasures so I can visit them anytime.
Sorry--I went on so--sheesh--lighten up already!!!
My friends have always told me I should upload this onto a scrapbook site but I never could bring myself to do it--I'm not very good with rejection-----I know "Who knew?!!" So I decided to put it on my blog--I'm not sure how that is different but it is. I got the idea for the I Hope book in a magazine but the the design and most of the journaling is all mine. Sorry this is so wordy and now the pictures will seem to go on forever!! Hopefully you can find something to enjoy!