Sunday, May 8, 2011

Wherein I boost your Mother’s Day/Humanity to infinity and beyond-----again…….

This is a re-post from last year. I thought this was a particularly fine piece of journalism {{{snort}}} so thought I would post it real quick before Mothers Day was over. Hope all the women who pass by this blog have had themselves a great day!


Mothers Day.

I’m sure that the original intent of those who created this holiday were pure.

Forcing children everywhere to honor their mother or carry the guilt forever—that is pure is it not?

Obviously, my Mother and I are still working out our relationship but I have been blessed to have 5 children call me Mom (to be honest—some days they say it like MU-THERRR) and I have friends who are from both camps. Some love being a Mom, or celebrate their own Mom or look forward with joy to when they will become a Mom. Others DREAD the day. Some because of their not so flowers and a nice card relationship with their Mom or the struggle to believe they will ever have a chance to be a Mother or they feel they have failed miserably at being a Mother .

I will leave the psychosis of all this to more qualified folks. The intent of my blog today is to boost your “Mothering/human being” self worth through the utter lack of my “Mothering/human being” skillz--- with the visual records I have kept. I’m sure I should probably address the -- what kind of Mother does or allows these “things” to happen to her children and then takes photos and shares them on her blog question that will plague you as you scroll through these photos.

But……….I got nothin’.

Just remember that no matter which government agency you call to report me too—they will never find me here in my garage, in the woods, in the middle of nowhere Montana.

Exhibit A:

By all means perch the baby on the top of that fence overlooking that giant ravine. I know she was dying for that up close and personal view. Quick, let me record the moment with my camera.

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Exhibit B:

Too be fair—this was taken by my husband. I didn’t know about it till I went and picked up the pictures from our vacation. Bad mother award for thinking I could allow her father to watch her without my supervision.


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Exhibit C:

This is what happens when your Mother has to say “Stop fighting!” 562 times. {Why yes, those are teenage mutant ninja turtles on the ends of those horns, thank you for asking.}

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Exhibit D:

I force teach my children to work hard. I have found that it works best to have them out into the workforce while they are still in diapers. Then they just don’t ever remember it being any different.

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Exhibit E:

My girls inform me that putting them in these beautiful, ruffle-lace explosion get ups was pretty much a crime against all mother nature. Wha? Just wait till they become Mothers and experience the “thrill of the frill”. It’s hypnotic I tell you! Also, I would like to point out that silver tooth jutting out there in front. Example #298 of my attentive parenting.


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Exhibit F:

Ah, the classic—always dress your child in Halloween costumes that they hate- and don’t forget to capture the “I hate you” on camera. All the good mother points you may have earned for making the costume, go right out the window. Good memories.

 milan 1997

Exhibit G:

This is an example of what I like to refer to as….Courageous Mothering. [I’m not the least bit interested in what you think it is.] In case you can’t see them, this child has the chicken pox. Then the poor dear fell off a swing and broke her little arm. I felt so bad for her that I went out and bought her some roller blades. And because I am that safety aware, I threw in the helmet and pads too. Safety first. Always.


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And it wouldn’t be a Mothers Day tribute without….

Exhibit H:

This could be entitled, “Redneck Playground”. What I wanted to point out though, was my stellar abilities of caring not only for my children, but my friends also. Only one of these hooligans is mine, and I’m pretty sure she couldn’t have come up with this little rodeo all by herself. These other hooligans belong to my friend who has 13 children. (Late breaking editorial--imagine my friend's surprise when she saw that she had 13 children and could only find 11--thankfully she isn't going to sue for libel) She is the “chillest” Mom I know. That's why I can post this—she will just laugh. Like I did. And then of course I made them come in and stop all this nonsense. Because I’m all about safety. Always.



Please feel free to share this with your friends and unknown neighbors. Everyone deserves to realize just how great a mother/parent they are! And don’t forget—it’s all about safety…….always.


onlymehere said...

You always make me laugh with your take on things! I hope it was a happy Mother's Day at your house! We got our missionary call and it was great but for some reason I kept carrying the phone around the rest of the night....what was I thinking? It's not like he could call back or anything. Sigh.....7-1/2 more months.

Nikki said...

What an awesome close to my Mother's Day! You are hilarious. And I'm grateful for you. :)

Sue said...

Thank you. I am now justified as a mother.


Jess said...

Character building at it's finest- way to go Lisa.

Garden of Egan said...

OK, that is totally hilarious! I think you are such MOTHER OF THE YEAR material.

I only let mine play with medicine bottles.

karen said...

Or how about the Halloween when my oldest fell out of a wagon during the day and broke is collar bone when it hit on a retaining wall, and I made him get in his clown costume and trick or treat anyway because "he would be sorry if he didn't have any candy the next day..." (In all fairness, I didn't know he had a broken collar bone. I thought he was just bruised.) But looking back, the 4 times my kids had broken bones I didn't realize it until hours later. One time the next day. Now THAT'S great mothering.

Cherie said...

I agree with Garden of Egan I vote you Mother of the Year!! You should be a stand up comic or something - Thanks for the laugh...again.

blueviolet said...

I gotta say that I kinda like how you do motherhood! Nobody likes perfection (and yeah, nobody likes frill either), but it's a mom's prerogative to go with these things. :)

DesertHen said...

Oh my, "the thrill of the frill", you crack me up! I laughed so hard my side hurts! ROFLOL!!!

I totally agree with Garden and Cherie...You get the "Mother of the Year" award hands-down!

I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day! =)

Karen Sue said...

Sometimes you just gotta work with what the Good Lord gave you. Somedays are more comedy !!
Great piece, dear friend!

Cheeseboy said...

STILL love the redneck playground. Never gets old. That photo of baby on fence is totally freaking me out though. Although, I may or may not have done that to my own boys - - I forget.

Carla said...

LOL, well said!! Love “thrill of the frill”, just love it:). I'm sorry your mom couldn't 'get with the program', but, honestly, it made you a better mother, and your children are blessed for it! Love ya:)

Darlene said...

Loved this post about the joys of motherhood. Such fun pictures. I especially liked the little clown. He is so cute, but he looks so unhappy.

Thanks for this great Mother's Day post.

♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥ said...

Lovely! My mom probably doesn't have any shameful....I mean, beautiful photos of me, but my brother gave her many a moment to remember....

On a side note, I gave you an award in my most recent blog Here :)