Saturday, May 8, 2010

Wherein I boost your “Mother’s Day/Human Being” self esteem to infinity and beyond…..

This is a re-post from last year. I thought this was a particularly fine piece of journalism {{{snort}}} so thought I would post it real quick before Mothers Day was over. Hope all the women who pass by this blog have had themselves a great day!

Mothers Day.

I’m sure that the original intent of those who created this holiday were pure.

Forcing children everywhere to honor their mother or carry the guilt forever—that is pure is it not?

Obviously, my Mother and I are still working out our relationship but I have been blessed to have 5 children call me Mom (to be honest—some days they say it like MU-THERRR) and I have friends who are from both camps. Some love being a Mom, or celebrate their own Mom or look forward with joy to when they will become a Mom. Others DREAD the day. Some because of their not so flowers and a nice card relationship with their Mom or the struggle to believe they will ever have a chance to be a Mother or they feel they have failed miserably at being a Mother .

I will leave the psychosis of all this to more qualified folks. The intent of my blog today is to boost your “Mothering/human being” self worth through the utter lack of my “Mothering/human being” skillz--- with the visual records I have kept. I’m sure I should probably address the -- what kind of Mother does or allows these “things” to happen to her children and then takes photos and shares them on her blog question that will plague you as you scroll through these photos.

But……….I got nothin’.

Just remember that no matter which government agency you call to report me too—they will never find me here in my garage, in the woods, in the middle of nowhere Montana.

Exhibit A:

By all means perch the baby on the top of that fence overlooking that giant ravine. I know she was dying for that up close and personal view. Quick, let me record the moment with my camera.

Scanned Imagepg1 3

Exhibit B:

Too be fair—this was taken by my husband. I didn’t know about it till I went and picked up the pictures from our vacation. Bad mother award for thinking I could allow her father to watch her without my supervision.

Scanned Imagepg1 4

Exhibit C:

This is what happens when your Mother has to say “Stop fighting!” 562 times. {Why yes, those are teenage mutant ninja turtles on the ends of those horns, thank you for asking.}

Scanned Imagepg1 5

Exhibit D:

I force teach my children to work hard. I have found that it works best to have them out into the workforce while they are still in diapers. Then they just don’t ever remember it being any different.

Scanned Imagepg1 6

Exhibit E:

My girls inform me that putting them in these beautiful, ruffle-lace explosion get ups was pretty much a crime against all mother nature. Wha? Just wait till they become Mothers and experience the “thrill of the frill”. It’s hypnotic I tell you! Also, I would like to point out that silver tooth jutting out there in front. Example #298 of my attentive parenting.

Scanned Imagepg1 8

Exhibit F:

Ah, the classic—always dress your child in Halloween costumes that they hate- and don’t forget to capture the “I hate you” on camera. All the good mother points you may have earned for making the costume, go right out the window. Good memories.

milan 1997

Exhibit G:

This is an example of what I like to refer to as….Courageous Mothering. [I’m not the least bit interested in what you think it is.] In case you can’t see them, this child has the chicken pox. Then the poor dear fell off a swing and broke her little arm. I felt so bad for her that I went out and bought her some roller blades. And because I am that safety aware, I threw in the helmet and pads too. Safety first. Always.

Scanned Imagepg1 11

And it wouldn’t be a Mothers Day tribute without….

Exhibit H:

This could be entitled, “Redneck Playground”. What I wanted to point out though, was my stellar abilities of caring not only for my children, but my friends also. Only one of these hooligans is mine, and I’m pretty sure she couldn’t have come up with this little rodeo all by herself. These other hooligans belong to my friend who has 13 children. (Late breaking editorial--imagine my friend's surprise when she saw that she had 13 children and could only find 11--thankfully she isn't going to sue for libel) She is the “chillest” Mom I know. That's why I can post this—she will just laugh. Like I did. And then of course I made them come in and stop all this nonsense. Because I’m all about safety. Always.


Please feel free to share this with your friends and unknown neighbors. Everyone deserves to realize just how great a mother/parent they are! And don’t forget—it’s all about safety…….always.


Cheeseboy said...

This is the best Mother's Day tribute I have seen all day. The redneck playground looks like it could be a lot of fun if only it had a car battery and an inner tube.

Garden of Egan said...

You totally get the Mother of the Year!!!!!
I love the pics.
It's nice to know I wasn't the only mom who laid awake at night trying to figure out how to torture my children.

The Heaps said...

K you are hilarious! I found your blog through Pedaling and I can't stop laughing at your posts! I will be checking back in regularly! Keep up the funny work!
Especially love this mother post by the way!

Sue said...

You are a crack-up, asalways.

Thanks for giving everyone a good laugh. I'm sure we all have some pics we could share...but you did it! And I loved it!!


MiMi said...

THIS.IS.HILARIOUS!!!! Have a great day!

Mikki said...

I think you rock as a mom!!! You couldn't be any worse than me, trust me!
Happy Mother's Day Lisa Loo!!!

tammy said...

Oh how I love you.

DeNae said...

Awesome! Makes me wish I was a better photographer!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

看到大家都留言,我也來留個言支持!!!加油囉 ........................................

Karen Sue said...

Love the arm in the sling, chicken pox, roller blades...
One night the 3 oldest kids were out in the back yard playing 'touch' football when 1 brother knocked his sister down and the other finished her off. She came in the house crying, so we wrapped her in ice and told her she'd be better in the morning...she was...after she had an xray and a cast on her arm!!

LKP said...

so i love this post! i recognize a lot of the fashions from my childhood as well, not to mention my parents, their siblings, & my grandparents ALL apparently graduated from the same parenting academy program you did! that's saying a lot. they're all awesome parents! so don't think less of your skills. i'm a firm believer that kids today are too pampered & are surrounded by too much fluff. they should go outside, get dirty, use their imaginations, and MORE than dabble in the simultaneous multiple injuries/illness department for a while for sure. builds cool things like character, resourcefulness, integrity, and the next batch of awesome parents!!! =) hope today was wonderful, cause you rock!

Jess said...

SO SO funny, I confess that I did snort and may have peed a little

What- dirt is good for you, builds a good immune system. I'm diggin the late 80s-early 90's clothes too. I remember them quite well, as I was far too often dressed in them (go TMNT!). DCFS my foot, you should get an award, and write a book on how to be an awesome parent!

kado! said...

love it all, the deep thoughts about Mother's Day and the pictures to go along too...loved it.

I never liked Mother's Day either until I finally became one! and you said the words exactly...guilt trip that just because you are a should LOVE Mother's Day, unfortunately my "Mom" does not understand that just because you act out the role of a Mother...does not actually make you a Mother...I feel guilt no longer...2nd Mother's Day in a row I have been free of sending her the obligatory flowers and I could not feel better!

Nance said...

Hilarious. I should have posted the picture my daughter took of her brother, with me yelling at the other brother in the background.

LKP said...

thanks for voting! =)
as for the moving? well, for some reason this go-around, it feels like its taking FOREVER! perhaps cause it should be the last time ever. and maybe also cause the vintage prom is this weekend, and i'm trying to do it all at once. (i hate when i do that to myself, but for some reason or another, i can't break free from old habits) ::shrugs::
hope your week is rockin' right along!

Anonymous said...

pleasure to find such a good artical! please keep update!!.............................................

Mr. Stupid said...

This such a cute Mother's day post. Loved all the pictures. Toodles!

Dr. Heckle said...

Hilarious! Yeah, it's amazing how your views on things like lace and cutsie outfits change once you actually become a parent!