Open Letter

Open Letter to the woman in the bathroom stall next to mine at "The Big Box Store":

I realize that there are certain sounds that one should expect when using the bathroom at a public venue.

Every body poops--I get it.

Here's the deal:::::::

Although I have been amused--- all the way to--

- "Seriously, you need to see a doctor about that" ---

with the sound effects in the stall next to me, there is one group of sounds that I wish to address here.

The sigh, the whistle, the grunt, the hum-- and the ahhhh.

People.

Please.

I understand that sometimes, during the process of weighing which is worse, peeing your pants or dying of some heaven knows what that lingers on the toilet seat, we wait till almost too late to avail ourselves of the facilities.

It happens.

What I need NOT to happen is for you to emit ANY kind of sound FROM YOUR MOUTH, while relieving yourself.

{{{{{ANY sound. Zip. NADA. NO. NONE.}}}}}}

I DO NOT need to sit there, feeling violated to my very core, eyes wide, unable to finish my own "business", as I wonder just what might be taking place on the other side of that stall wall.

Unable to remember how to zip my own pants so I can flee the "STAll OF TERRORS" I had entered so innocently only moments before.

Scarred by the very thought that I might come face to face with what or who was behind DOOR #2.

PLEASE. STOP. THE. MADNESS.

I beg you.

That is all.

Signed, The Potty Police